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A journey to slay an ogre and avenge a fallen crewmate turns into a delve into an inexplicable, zany haunted house, filled with traps, ghouls, and upsetting doors. Still, we kept our cool, and had our revenge.
Slay the bone-hoarding Ogre.
After failing to lure the ogre out of its home, we descend into its madcap, magical lair, and kill it from within its horde. We laid to rest the remains of a comrade that had fallen in a previous visit. We retrieved a mighty stash of goods and horrid trinkets.
God’s blessed creation.
- AT THE TIME of Saint Wulfric — that is, in the year of the 6̶̨̰̥͈͈̲̬̲͇̻̟̹̬͔̘̄̅̎̐̋̎́͗̓̾̈́̊́̈́͝X̷̘͓͈̳̣͗͋͋͆̚͝͠X̸̧̳͕͕͓͓̯̿͑̀̂͌̃̔̎̔͌̈́͜͝ — was sighted the first of what was then called the “unicorn of the seas,” sharing with that noble creature the horn that signifies vigor and splendor, both of which are gifts from 𝖳𝖧𝖤 𝖫𝖮𝖱𝖣. The beast was seen to follow a knarr for a time, traveling at pace along the surface of the sea, and all the people of that voyage declared there were calm skies and bountiful fishing, even after the beast had departed from their side.
taken from Historica naturalia et ecclesiastica by Saint Odo
We set forth from the flotilla for Culemwarden, to purchase tools of murder, a lantern, and a checker board.
We set forth from Culemwarden along the coast to the northern cusp of Ruislip, where the bone-collector’s manor lay.
In a cold rain we made landing at the strange boneyard. Artair boasted that his blade would slay the ogre. Braga made an offering of the gryphon skull outside the home’s front door, which was met with silence. Tadg shouted a honeyed rhyme to draw forth the bone-collector, which was met with further silence.
Gundemar boasted he would sneak in and his arrows would strike first. Within, he found several doors. Opening one released an avalanche of ankle bones, to the damage of Gundemar and the mirth of everyone else.
Alfred scaled the chimneys to drop oil in one and stuff sailcloth in another, in the hopes of either driving the ogre to distraction, or out of doors entirely. Neither worked.
With no responses forthcoming, we decide to charge in, finding a horrible room with a throne of bones, an exploded fireplace, a nativity scene of miniature skeletons, several strange stairs, and a golden-horned narwhal shoved through the wooden wall.
Another door is opened, provoking another tidal wave of bones. Alfred extinguishes the unholy creche. We find safe passage through another stair and begin our ascent into the unknown.
Tadg seizes the horn and defies the ogre’s mastery of the home by blowing on the horn, invigorating us.
Across creaky, broken floorboards and bone-pits of ghouls, we cross, using spears and rope to keep us safe.
In one pit, beneath bones of a leviathan, we spot the beheaded body of Vrede, who we commit to the sea with a prayer.
Across the spine of a giant, we cross an inexplicable chasm to another tower, wherein we find a horde of skulls and the sound of snores.
The ogre - found asleep by Gundemar and startled by Alfred, rises from beneath a pile of skulls to do battle. Gundemar arrow strikes true. We close with murderous intent, with net and battle-axe and envenomed javelin. Braga boasts that she will paint her face with the ogre’s blood.
Though the ogre struggles mightly to lay hands on us, an arrow through the eye from the bow of Gundemar lays it flat. We take its head, its hand, and its blood as prizes.
In its bag of manskin, we find the rest of Vrede, which we add to the sea with the rest of her.
Spoils from the accursed house are added to our loot as we make our return to the ship, bound for the flotilla.
Alfred, whose words are inspired
“Moses said unto Joshua, Choose us out soldiers, and go out, fight with Amalek: tomorrow I will stand on the top of the hill with the rod of God in mine hand… And Joshua discomfited Amalek and his people with the edge of the sword.” (I will nail the Ogre’s hand to our boat).NOTE: This boast was made in Rangers Upon the Coast - Session 3
Gundemar, whose steps are shadowsr
“I will sneak inside and my arrows will be the first to find the ogre!”
Artair, whose blades drip with poison
“My blade will strike the ogre down.”
Braga
“OGRE! I will paint my face with your blood!”
Gundemar, whose aim is true
“Foul beast, I will reclaim Vrede’s skull so that we may complete the rites!”
No rumors were discovered this session.
We sail to Culemwardern to purchase weapons
Alfred intends to find and toss as many of Vred’s bones off a high cliff as a “burial”
We land. Braga buys two spears immediately
Artair buys a javelin, a lantern, 2 flasks of oil, and a set of checkers (left on boat)
Braga brings the griphon skull to use as bait
Alfred borrows a spear with a bible verse
People begin to coat their ranged weapons in poison
We sail along the coast to reach Ogre Haus and land on the north shore
After some deliberation, we decide to lure the ogre out with the skull while everyone else hides in the yard. Artair boasts “My blade will strike the ogre down!”
BRaga marches towards the door, calls out “Ho!” and sets the skull down
20 min wait
Tadg shout out a honeyed rhyme to try and draw out the bone trader
Gundamar boasts “Waiting in the rain is no way to get revenge. I will sneak into the house and my arrows will be the first to find it!”
Gundamar sneaks up to the front door and sees a stone entry way, sees coats - discarded bear skins, moldy wolf fur?? Row of cowskin rugs
Paintings on the wall??
3 doors on right, 3 on left
Gundamar listens to and then slowly peeks through the first door on the left, listening for a person
The door opens and a tidal wave of ankle bones spills out, dealing 1 damage and burying Gundamar in bones. Everyone laughs and reconvenes to discuss new strategy.
Unable to find a way to burn down the house, we decide to clog the chimney. Braga takes the griffin skull back to the boat and returns with sail cloth. Tadg’s hawk brings him back the skull of a prominent rat.Gundemar gives his grappling hook to Braga, who managed to latch it on to the chimney. Alfred climbs with the sailcloth and some of the oil Artair purchased.
At the top, Alfred discovers there’s more than one chimney, with two of them smoking. One has angled bricks, the other carved with faces in the stone.
With a prayer for guidance, Alfred stuffs the sailcloth into the parquet-pattern chimney and then drops the oil down the chimney with the faces, and then hurries down to rejoin the group.
We hear an explosion.
We charge in. Through the 2nd door on the right, we kick down the door, and find a Ogre Skeleton throne, surrounded by more piles of bones.
Back wall - animal skulls
On the right - fireplace, oil splattered
Nativity scene?? Participants are all skeletons??
Narwhal skeleton through the left wall???
Wood paneling
Far wall - 3 stairwells - left right and center
center: bone throne right: fireplace and (now-flaming) skeletal nativity scene left: narwhal skeleton with gold horn crashed thru like bus far wall: haphazard trophies, three winding staircases leading up to 3 doors
Alfred puts out the nativity scene. Braga advises caution, and they both consider the merits of climbing up.
Tadg climbs the wall and seizes the golden narwhal horn. The gold is at either end and the horn is hollowed out.
Braga starts climbing the rightmost stair to the top door. She listens for a moment, and then shoulder barges it - and it cascades open with fibula.
Frustrated, she splits the Ogre Throne is two. Everyone else uses the grappling hook to open the leftmost door from a safe distance - sure enough, a tide of tibia come falling out.
The center one opens to another stairway. The stairs are safe, and we get to a hallway that creaks loudly.
Tadg the Bone Hunter’s got the best of you again! He toots the horn.
More than half of it dissolves in the blast of sound. Each of us feels oddly sparkly. (+1 to Hit)
We cross the hall. The floor falls away part way through, revealing a kitchen with something crawling around in it - but we all make it across, and open the single door.
There are no bones in the next room. All the floorboards are torn up, and there’s earth and dirt - a series of ten ditches. Fixed in place over each one are rib cages. A path of boards criss cross the room. In the pits are skeletons of dead animals, some ghoulish hands
A big whale ribcage lies near the door on the other side. The party lashes one another with a length of rope, and the people on both ends use spears to jab the grasping hands away.
We spie Vred’s corpse in the pit! It is headless. We all swear that, if we survive, we’ll bury Vred as she would have wanted.
We step onto a small platform - a cliff? - in the driving rain.
100 feet away, across a chasm, there is a tower. Through its door, we see fire and smoke.
The vertebrae of a giant form a bridge.
Braga, realizing the peril of the moment, goes back and gets Vred’s body. She and Alfred heave the corpse into the sea, as Vred had wished. They cross the spine.
In the next tower, a ball room - with a fireplace whose chimney is stuffed
A MAN SKIN BAG stuffed with possessions lies to the side.
In every corner of the room, rippling like dunes, are thousands of human skulls
We hear the sound of snoring. Deep, belabored snoring.
Gundemar begins to scout the room and finds the ogre sleeping under a pile of skulls in the middle of the room.
With some hand signals, we enact a plan: Gundemar knocks an arrow and Alfred heaves a skull at the far side of the room, hitting a pile, which clatters down. There’s a moment of silence. “WHO’S MESSING WITH MY BOOOONES” It stands, exploding out of its pile.
Gundemar’s shot rings true. We begin to fight.
Tadg closes to use the net. Alfred strikes true with a spear jab. Artair jabs their poisoned javelin.. Braga brings her
The ogre flails for purchase, trying to take Alfred’s spear, and swiping at Artair.
Gundemar looses an arrow and plants an arrow right in the ogre’s eye, sending it toppling over to its death.
Braga - her face painted from blood from the ogre’s belly wound - chops its head off and presents it to Gundemar as a prize. Alfred borrows a handaxe to take a hand. The ogre’s bag of skulls - one of the Vred’s - is taken up, as well as much of the rest of the loot from the house.
Vred’s skull is consigned to the sea.